


some days we say words that don't mean a thing

by moonplums



Series: beside you [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Domestic, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Violence, Omega Hatake Kakashi, Omega Uchiha Sasuke, Parenthood, Pregnancy, Self-Hatred, Teen Pregnancy, Time Skips, Uchiha Itachi Lives, Unplanned Pregnancy, no beta we die like the akatsuki, rock lee is gai and kakashis son
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:42:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26179690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonplums/pseuds/moonplums
Summary: Kakashi gave himself the self awarded title of worst mother in the world.
Relationships: Gaara/Rock Lee-mentioned, Hatake Kakashi & Rock Lee, Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai | Might Guy, Rock Lee & Maito Gai | Might Guy, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: beside you [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907947
Comments: 16
Kudos: 334





	some days we say words that don't mean a thing

**Author's Note:**

> title from "blue" by beyonce

Kakashi had many regrets as a parent. 

For one, he had definitely been much too young when he had his son. It couldn't be helped really. 

He was confused, in pain and it was his first heat. Of course, he had been born as an omega, he had learned about what heats would be like, but he was still caught off guard by how intense it was. Vulnerable and afraid, and Gai had been there, because Gai had always been there for him, even though he was too stubborn to see it for so long. 

The distant memory still made his heart ache. Both with guilt and with love. He could still see his friend flushed, and caught off guard as Kakashi had splayed himself open and begged for his help. 

Gai had never been with an omega before, just as Kakashi had never been with an alpha. Kakashi, who was still mourning the death of his friends, and of his beloved sensei, who had closed himself off to everyone and everything besides his work. 

It was a grueling seven days, with Gai taking care of him with all the patience in the world. Feeding him by hand, dragging him to the shower at least twice a day to be clean, massaging his sore body, wiping away his tears, and helping with his other...needs. 

And Kakashi had still thrown him out and not talked to him for weeks afterwards.

All because he had been embarrassed. 

He was so caught up in thinking about Gai all the time, that he had missed the early signs of it. He didn't question the odd aches and pains, the way he was tired right down to the core of his bones, how nauseous he felt whenever he smelled or tried to eat meat.

It was only when his chakra fluctuated and wasn't working as he wanted it that he knew something was wrong, and hurried to be examined after nearly losing his own life on an ANBU mission. 

“This is good news, Kakashi,” The 3rd had told him, and when he said that Kakashi remembers bitterly thinking, Yes, good news for  _ you _ . “The Hatake bloodline will live on.”

Kakashi really hadn't cared about making sure his bloodline had lived on. But the 3rd had commanded he go on leave immediately, pretty much demand that he had this baby and carry it to term. 

“Who is the father?” The 3rd had asked, and if he wasn't the Hokage, Kakashi might have attacked him right then and there. 

“What was that?” The 3rd asked after Kakashi had mumbled at the floor.

“Gai…”

The 3rd looked...disappointed, and Kakashi fantasized about ripping the hat off his head and beating him with it. 

“I thought it may have been.” The 3rd paused. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Kakashi answered through clenched teeth. What was the man trying to insinuate? Kakashi didn't just go around sleeping with people at his age. Gai had been...Gai had been different.

“I see.”

Could he have at least tried to hide his dissatisfaction until Kakashi left? What omega wanted to hear about how disappointing you found their alpha to be? 

“I’m sure they’ll take after you and be very talented in ninjutsu.” The 3rd had said, and Kakashi went stiff as a board. 

“I don't really care about where they excel in,” Kakashi responded quickly and firmly, his hands clenched at his sides. “I don't care about whether or not they have any desire to become a ninja at all either.”

The 3rds head snapped back up at that.

“That would be quite a waste, don't you think?” The 3rd said with a slight, forced smile. “The Hatake are a ninja clan, and the Maito’s-....well…” 

“I have to go now, sir.” Kakashi said, feeling his hands shaking as his grasp went so tight his knuckles were turning white. 

“I see. Are you going to go and speak with Gai?” 

“Eventually.” 

Kakashi couldn't have been more than ten steps out of the Hokage Tower when he saw the one person he had been dreading running into. 

“Rival!” 

The way Gai looked at him made him feel so sad. There was no other word for it. He hated to see Gai look so hesitant to come up to him, to speak to him. It was wrong, Gai shouldn't ever feel like that. 

“Gai,” Kakashi replied.

At that, Gai came rushing over across the street to his side. “Rival! It has been some time!”

“Yeah, it has,” Kakashi began to rub at his arm, not meeting Gai’s gaze. “Listen, Gai, um...we need to talk about something.”

He could feel Gais silent shock, and looked up to meet his bewildered eyes. Quickly, he became serious, nodding his head in understanding, though Kakashi was sure he did not understand at all. Gai took a step closer and bent his head down a bit, mouth falling open, 

“Do you want to get curry?” Kakashi interrupted whatever Gai was about to say. 

Gais eyes widened in alarm. 

“I really want curry,” Kakashi said, already moving down the street. It took Gai a moment to catch up to him. Kakashi didn't turn to him, instead looking around the streets for a curry place that seemed appealing. 

The nausea had been getting worse. Curry had never really been one of his favorite foods, but at the moment, it seemed like the only complete meal he could hold down without emptying his stomach moments after eating. Something that was usually only somewhat satisfying to him was now the most delicious thing he could imagine consuming. 

“Hey, Gai, do you know any place that has curry with just vegetables? Meat has really been grossing me out lately.” 

When he didn't get an answer, he turned. Gai was looking at him again, looking just as bewildered and worried as before. 

“What is it?” Kakashi frowned. 

“Kakashi,” Gai said, sounding close to tears. “Are you alright? You seem...unwell.” 

Kakashi paused a moment, and then nodded. “I...Well,..I’m alright, Gai. It's...complicated. I'm not sick, but something is...something is going on right now. With me, I mean. Just...just lets find curry, and we can talk about it then, okay?” 

Gai frowned, and Kakashi hated the sight of it on his face. Just for a moment though, because Gai quickly came to life and turned around on the street. 

“Come, Rival, there's a place down here I think you'll find satisfactory!” 

Kakashi followed after him, and just hoped Gai didn't make any comments about his pregnancy being quite impressively youthful.

///

Kakashi couldn't hold his baby anymore.

He didn't know. He didn't know why. It wasn't that he didn't love him, he did love him. It's just the thought of having him so close made his chest tighten painfully. 

If anything, it was more so he didn't trust himself around his baby. 

Lee was a good baby. He hardly ever cried, and when he did, he stopped the moment Kakashi made himself pick him up from his crib and rocked him a bit. He was patient, never making a fuss when Kakashi couldn't seem to make enough milk with his own body. He didn't make a fuss when he had to wait for Kakashi to make his bottle with the formula he had started to give him along with his own milk. 

Feeding him with a bottle for the first time, Kakashi had felt like a failure. 

He wasn't good enough for his son, he wasn't good enough to be a mother, he wasn't good enough to be Gai’s mate, because that was a thing now too. 

He wanted his dad, he wanted Minato sensei, he wanted-

“Please, Gai,” Kakashi sobbed, holding the little bundle out to the alpha.His perfect little baby, who was too perfect to look at, for his irredeemable gaze. “Please, just take him from me, okay?” 

Something in Kakashi settled when he saw the alpha with Lee in his arms instead. He took several steps back. 

“Kakashi…” Gai said, looking up from their son's face. 

“Don't,” Kakashi snapped, stepping even further away. “I’m not-I’m not good for him, Gai. I can't take care of him right.”

“Kakashi...don't say that.” 

“I’m not a good mother, okay?” Kakashi snapped, wanting to rip his own hair out. “I’m not! I can't-I’m only going to ruin things for him. He’s not-He’s not safe with me!” 

Gai’s eyes softened. 

“You're his mother,” Gai said, gentle, ever so gentle. He took a few steps forward, still giving Kakashi some room. “I know you're overwhelmed. I'm going to take more time off, spend more time with the two of you, okay?”

It was so unlike Gai. To talk so normal. Kakashi hated it. He was ruining everything, he always ruined everything. 

“You're his father,” Kakashi spit, heading towards the window. “You take care of him.” 

_ Please, Gai. You can love him so much better than I can. I don't think I even know how to love anymore. I wish I could be better, for both of you.  _

///

Lee is seven when Kakashi comes home. 

Of course, Kakashi had never really left. They lived together, of course. But Kakashi spent nearly every waking moment out of the house. Taking as many missions as possible. Until Gai had put his foot down, and gone and begged for him to be released from ANBU. 

He couldn't even understand why Gai was fighting for him so much. He was a bad mother, a bad mate. He saw his son maybe once or twice a week, if he wasn't out on missions, and even then it was in passing. 

The little alpha looked so much like his father, it made Kakashi's heartache. 

He saw his mate only at night, when he would tumble into bed a few hours before dawn. Gai would move close to him in his sleep, and hold him, and Kakashi always felt like he didn't deserve it. 

He knew he was losing himself. He never really stopped losing himself. He didn't even know who he was anymore. 

He had just come back from the Tower, and he had been furious. Why take him out of ANBU? It was the one thing he was actually good at, wasn't it? It didn't make sense. 

When he entered the house, there his son was, waiting for him by the door. Just like he used to when he was a toddler. It had been years since he had done this. He stared up at his mother with giant eyes, looking nervous but determined. 

One moment, Kakashi was looking down at him, feeling utterly blank. The next, he was crashing down onto his knees. 

“I’m sorry, Lee.” Kakashi sobbed, holding his son's thin, tiny little body in his arms, so tight it must have hurt. Still, he didn't cry or complain. Lee held his mother back. How long had it been since he had hugged his son? Since he had held him? Years. “I’m sorry.” His voice wobbled pathetically, and he sobbed when he felt little hands pat his head. 

“Welcome home.” Lee smiled against his cheek. 

Kakashi looked up from his son's miniscule shoulder, and saw Gai standing in the hall, looking down at them with a grin so wide it must have hurt his face. 

“We’ve been youthfully waiting for your return!” 

Kakashi laughed shakily as Lee pulled away from him to match his father's dramatic pose, followed with a grand thumbs up. 

…

“Mother, please lay your eyes upon this new move Father taught me!” 

“Lee,” Kakashi sighed, looking up from his book. “You don't have to be so proper, you know? Mother is so stern, isn't it? Mom is fine, I guess.”

“I can't do that, Mother,” Lee said, puffing out his chest. “Mother is the proper title you earned by carrying me dutifully in your youthful womb for nine months! It is the term you rightfully deserve!” 

Carrying you in my womb was really the bare necessity once it was decided I would keep you.

He didn't say that to his son though. 

…

“What has you looking so down, my rival?” Gai asked one night, as they laid together. 

Kakashi shrugged. 

“Lee is going to graduate from the Academy soon.” Kakashi mumbled eventually. 

“He has two more years to go!” Gai replied. “Don't worry, I know he is growing up very fast.” Gais' voice wobbled a bit at the end, and Kakashi patted him soothingly. 

“It's not that.” Kakashi had long accepted that he had missed most of his son's childhood. Lee was already ten, and the teen years were fast approaching without mercy. “It's just...his training.” 

Gai instantly puffed up to the side of their house. “Lee is doing an excellent job. Of course, he still has many areas he can improve on. There's no such thing as too much training. Don't worry, Rival, I made sure to teach him that young.”

We both should have been teaching him when he was still young. 

Again, he doesn't say that. He had no one but himself to blame. 

“You did a good job, raising him.” Kakashi paused. “However, That also wasn't what I meant.”

Gai’s hold on him tightened. Kakashi knew he was going to protest, so he hurried on,

“I simply wish there was more I could teach him. You're better at taijutsu than me. I doubt there's anything I know that you don't.”

Gai’s hand ran down his back, and Kakashi could tell he was thinking deeply about something. 

“Do you feel disappointed?” Gai asked. The question caught him off guard so much Kakashi rolled off his mate and sat up on his elbows. 

“What do you mean?” 

“That he takes after me.” 

Kakashi stared at him. 

“He doesn't have your...talent, when it comes to chakra control. He’s really like me and my father, huh?”

Kakashi punched him. 

“R-Rival?” 

“Don't talk bad about my son.” Kakashi punched him again. “Or your dad! Or my mate!” Kakashi goes to punch him again, but Gai catches his fist. 

“Why don't you just listen, idiot? It makes me so proud that our son takes after you. Hell, everyday I'm thankful that he takes so much after his father, of his grandfather. The two of you are some of the greatest men I’ve ever met. I dont give a fuck about his skill in ninjutsu or genjutsu or his chakra control, or anything like that! I wouldn't even care if he didn't want to be a shinobi. I love him just how he is. When I said that, all I meant was that I wished I could help him train to become better in taijutsu, because that's what he wants to become good at. Stop reading so much into it, sometimes you overthink even more than me, as much as you pretend otherwise.” 

Kakashi gently punched him in the stomach. “Don't let me hear you ever doubting my son again, you're his idol, you know?” 

Kakashi then promptly curled back up and fell asleep, and Gai stayed up for hours, looking down at him with stars in his eyes. 

…

“Rival, I have been thinking.” 

“Oh no.”

At Gais' rumpled expression Kakashi laughed and moved closer to his alpha. “What about?”

“About Lee’s training,”

“Yes, yes, you beat me. Your win, I guess, right? So what? 40-41 now?” 

“Raising our child isn't a competition.” Gai huffed. 

Yes, well, if it was, we both know you would have won.

“Of course. So. What about Lee’s training again?” Kakashi took his time in getting comfortable, resting his head on Gais' thighs

“Lee and I often have battles in taijutsu. I have no doubt when it comes hand to hand, our son will come out on top! However, there's only so much prep I can give him when it comes to battling against ninjutsu and genjutsu.”

Kakashi's eyes widened in realization. “You want me to fight him?”

Why had he not thought of that?

“Spar.” Gai corrected. 

Right. 

He tried to imagine sparring with his son like he did with his mate, or Tenzo, or any of his friends. It felt...wrong. A distressed whine almost fell from his mouth. It was risky, he knew. It never bothered him when he was testing genin he would never see again because they always failed. But Lee...was his  _ son.  _ The baby he had carried for months. It was different. It disturbed him. 

Kakashi was pulled from his thoughts by a light punch to his arm. 

“Didn't you say you didn't want anyone doubting your son, Kakashi?” Gai said with a grin. It must have delighted him to be able to turn his mates' words around on him. 

Damn. He had set himself up. 

///

Gai had reassured him time and time again that Lee would be delighted to spar with Kakashi. The young alpha had continuously brought up that he needed to practice against different types of opponents to his father. Gai knew that when he told their son about this opportunity, he would be ecstatic. Training and getting to spend time with his mother? He would be overjoyed.

Gai was wrong. 

“I refuse to fight against Mother.” 

Kakashi stared at his son in disbelief, as did Gai. 

“Wh-How come?” Gai almost whined. 

Lee crossed his arms firmly over his chest. “It goes against my moral code!” 

“Because I’m an Omega?” Kakashi wondered. 

Lee’s eyes widened in shock. “Of course not, Mother! Omegas are as competent as any other enemy in battle! However, you are my Mother. You gave birth to me, to fight you would simply be unacceptable. Without you, I would not have any of my being!” 

“You fight your Father.” Kakashi pointed out. 

Lee’s expression turned serious. “That is different.”

“How so?” Kakashi asked patiently. 

“He didn't create me, really. He merely assisted.” Gai made a dying noise at that. “Father helped develop me as a ninja, but you developed me to my very core! Without you, I would be nothing!”

Kakashi tried his hardest to not give into his feelings and burst into tears right then and there. 

“I understand your feelings.” Kakashi crouched down, looking up at his son. There wasn't much difference in their heights like this. His son was still so small, it made his heartache. A part of him wished he could stay like this forever. “However, as a ninja, and as a mother, it would make me really happy to test your skill. Knowing you can hold your own against a ninjutsu user, I wouldn't worry for you so much.”

That was a lie. Kakashi would always worry about him. Even when Lee was sixty and gray and the best taijutsu master to ever live, Kakashi would worry about him as a seventy five year old retired shinobi. 

Lee frowned. “This is a problem.” 

“How so?” 

“A conflict amongst my own morals.” Lee rubbed at his chin. “I don't want to fight Mother. However, I want to please Mother more than anything else.”

He didn't deserve those words, but it filled him with such warmth it nearly burned. 

“It's just training.” Kakashi offered. “It wouldn't be a real fight. Therefore, you would have never really fought me.”

Lee’s eyes lit right up. “You're right! Please guide me, Mother!”

…

Despite his many faults as a parent, he was helpful to his son. He became one of the core reasons his son could battle against other nin that had an outrageous amount of chakra control at their disposal. It was years late, but he was still able to tend to their relationship, and they had an unbreakable bond now. 

“And now here we are, planning his mating and wedding ceremonies,” Kakashi said with a sigh. “And he’s marrying a Kage, of all people.”

Sasuke hummed. 

“Kakashi, I don't really get the point of that story.” 

Kakashi glared. “Ungrateful brat. I was trying to make you feel better. You're the one feeling down because you don't think you’ll be a good mother.” 

Sasuke turned away from him with a frown, one hand continuing to rest on his still flat stomach. 

“I was a shitty mother at the start. Gai had to help me a lot. But in the end, I found a way I could be there for him. He doesn't hate me, so I guess it was a success.” 

“But...Naruto…” Sasuke mumbled. 

“Naruto has wanted you to have his babies since you were both thirteen.” 

Sasuke flushed a shocking red at that. 

“I know you're going through a lot right now. Naruto is training more than ever, and with your brother being back…” Kakashi festered off at that. Itachi. Kakashi really never thought he would peacefully have his old team member and former friend back in Konoha. 

“Have you told him yet?” Kakashi asked.

“Naruto?” Sasuke asked. “I already told you I haven't.” 

“No, your brother.” 

Sasuke went quiet, and that was answer enough. 

“I don't want to stress him out.” Sasuke told the floor. “He...he was in a coma for so long, and he was so sick. He still is so sick, I know he would do nothing but worry about me. I want him to recover, I want him to…”

You want him to live. 

Kakashi's eyes softened. 

“He would want to know,” Kakashi reassured him. “It would make him feel worse if he found out you kept it from him, just because you didn't want him to worry. Still, you don't have to tell them yet.”

Their eyes met, and Kakashi gave his former student a smile. 

“We can keep it between us for a bit longer.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thinking of making this into a series? i know i left out a lot, especially about lees younger years, but i want to write about those times more perhaps later on. and i wanna write more narusasu, and eventually maybe some more gaara/lee, and maybe even about itachi, and maybe getting him a mate as well, bc my baby deserves happiness too. idk if anyone is interested in that tho gjdkjjjf
> 
> the ending kind of sucked tho gjdjjg im so sorry


End file.
